apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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