it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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