Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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