They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
