He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
