I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
