Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
