sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I could fuck to npr.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
