I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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