in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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