I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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