ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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