i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
