im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
