So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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