i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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