I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
