Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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