what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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