College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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