I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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