my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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