the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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