Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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