margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the condom got lost in my hair
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
