Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
