FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
