i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
