thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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