I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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