so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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