accomplished twins. life is a go
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
