So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
