Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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