just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
