ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
