A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
