woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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