anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
