so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
