Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well you can't waste a boner
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
