i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
