garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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