No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
