After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
