Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
