tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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