You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
