clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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