The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
