I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
not ubering you a puppy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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