we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
