The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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